


The Lies We Tell

by pisceskpopfics



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, College, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance, Soulmate - Lies, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 17:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17944382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pisceskpopfics/pseuds/pisceskpopfics
Summary: In a world where you cannot lie to your Soulmate, most wouldn’t dream of lying to them, but Youngjae has his fears and his doubts. He doesn’t want to hurt his Soulmate but he’s afraid to meet his Soulmate because lying is how he gets through life. Little white lies. they don’t amount to much, but when he finally finds his Soulmate, those white lies may just be the end of him.





	The Lies We Tell

**Author's Note:**

> I’ll admit I still suck at tieing a nice bow and ending stories and I’m like hella nervous because this is my official first GOT7 fic. I really hope you guys enjoy it! I spent a good couple of months writing this and getting it just right. Thank you for reading, please enjoy!

Soulmates. Two people linked together like perfect puzzle pieces by the universe. They’re meant to be together and, more often than not, they eventually find each other through a simple system: not being able to lie to each other. It’s a concept that Youngjae has struggled to understand all his life. How does it work? How would you know if you are actually not able to lie? What if you’re a rather honest person? Are white lies in the category of lies? His parents weren’t able to answer as they had never tested it themselves and they had met rather young, but Youngjae hadn’t met anyone like that yet and he’s already well in college. Though, he’s very nervous about the topic as of recently. The question of white lies is one very dear to him because, for as cheerful and carefree a person as he is, he tells a lot of white lies, enough so that people would be concerned if they realized that’s what they were, but he’s become great at hiding his own emotions and feelings.

It’s these white lies that he’s been telling more and more over his years at college that makes him nervous to finally meet his soulmate. This is the reason he finally caves and for once broaches the topic of soulmates that he usually avoids and his friends have learned never to bring up around him.

When Youngjae quietly asks Jackson, “so, it’s impossible to lie to my soulmate?” To say Jackson is shocked would be a massive understatement.

It takes Jackson a second to respond, letting the shock subside as he looks up from his textbook at Youngjae sitting next to him on the couch of their apartment. “Yes?” The word is drawn out in question, as Jackson isn’t totally sure if it’s the right answer that Youngjae is looking for.

“How?” Youngjae asks, eyes not on Jackson, but on his phone in his lap as he scrolls through his social media, seeming to look uninterested if not for the slight tension Jackson notes in his shoulders.

“You just can’t,” Jackson states as if it’s a simple answer.

“Okay …” Youngjae breaths out a long sigh, thumb unmoving on his screen. The gears turn in his head, and Jackson tries to read through his blank facial expression. “But,” he continues slowly, “how do you know it’s your soulmate and not just, I don’t know, an off day?”

“Well,” Jackson sighs as well, leaning back as he ponders this, “when I met Mark, I was trying to lie and do those cheesy pick-up lines like I’m a police officer and I think you need to go to jail for being too hot.“

Youngjae snorts, shaking his head. “Jackson, that’s just bad.”

“I’m well aware!” Jackson fires back, cheeks tinting red. “The point is, I didn’t say that I tried but my throat got stuck. Mark found it funny at first until I suddenly choked out an explanation that I was gonna use a pickup line on him cause he’s really hot,”

Youngjae snorts again, but Jackson ignores this.

“But it’s a lie and I can’t say it. Like,” Jackson pauses, hand moving to rest near his throat as he kind of points to it, “I could physically feel like lying would hurt and my body was stopping me from doing it.”

Jackson looks off, eyes glazed for a second as he relives to memory.

“So,” Youngjae draws out, eyes watching Jackson carefully as he processes the information, “it hurts to lie then, even just a little lie like that?”

“Yeah,” He nods, dropping his hand as he turns to meet Youngjae’s gaze, “it makes it so it hurts and you have to say the truth or – in some cases – they just blurt out the truth. Those ones are harder to tell.”

Nodding his head, Youngjae turns his head down back to his phone. He slouches down a little further into the couch as he crosses his legs and stares at his blank phone screen. Jackson watches him for a second, mildly concerned by his demeanor and questioning, but opts not to inquire and picks up his pencil to continue jotting down notes.

It’s a while later after Youngjae processed and panicked over this new information that he quietly speaks up again. “Jackson … does this mean I’m screwed?”

“Cause of all the white lies you tell people?” Jackson responds without missing a beat, sending Youngjae into another small panic.

He’s not surprised the most social one of his friends could tell, he’s really good at reading people, but it’s one thing to assume and another to actually know for sure.

“Yeah.” Is the only word he can seem to let out in confirmation.

“Then yes,” Jackson turns to Youngjae with a sympathetic smile as he pats his shoulder, “yes this means you, my dear Youngjae, are very screwed.”

“Fuck.”

The topic doesn’t resurface for quite a while. Jackson doesn’t mention it to any of their other friends – which Youngjae is beyond grateful for – and life goes on as normal.

Youngjae is in college studying music and teaching and works at a small restaurant café just off campus. It gives him enough extra money to keep his and Jackson’s place as well as buy a few frivolous things once in a while. Eventually, he wants to be a music teacher, but he’s first got to finish his dual degrees and pass his certification for teaching, he still has a couple years of college left much to his distaste. He makes time pass rather fast though with his job, studies, and all the extra tasks he does around the music building for friends and staff.

It’s stressful and draining; he would never dare tell anyone that aloud, but it defiantly takes its toll on him slowly.

Soulmates leave his mind due to his hectic schedule until one particularly long day at work.

After running one customer’s credit card and finalizing the payment for – well he’s not sure, he’s too tired to even remember the couple he had served, but after that, he places on his bright smile and returns to their table.

“Here is your receipt.” Youngjae carefully places the book with his card on the table with that kind smile still in place as he stands with his hands resting in front of him. “Is there anything else you need?”

As he waits for them to respond he takes a short second to examine the couple, who are more than likely soulmates by the way the girl is smiling so brightly. She has pin straight brown hair, the sways gently as she shakes her head, not even look up at him only at the man across from her. Said man is, honestly? One of the most attractive guys Youngjae has ever laid eyes on. He’s tall, broad, with dark almost pitch-black hair styled in a mullet – but not a tacky one, this is more suited to the man and tastefully done; it actually looks good.

The girl opens her mouth to thank him and raise a hand to way him off, but the man speaks first.  “Actually yes, I need my best friend to stop setting me up on these ridicules blind dates.”

The words come out in a rush, followed by a tired sign as if the man doesn’t realize just how rude he just was. The girl looks completely shocked and Youngjae stands, nervous as his face turn red, unsure of how to take this situation.

“I’m sorry?” Youngjae stutters out, face hot with embarrassed nerves.

“No, um,” the man blinks like coming out of a daze, rubs his neck and looks between the two before apologizing. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to snap.”

Youngjae shakes his head, telling him that it’s fine and he shouldn’t worry.

“Are you two soulmates?”

That question makes both their heads snap in her direction as they both say “what?”

“You didn’t mean to snap?” The girl questioning’s smile somehow becomes brighter and more excited. When the man simply raises an eyebrow, she continues to explain. “Don’t you think, maybe you two are soulmates?”

At that, the man gives a soft smile, which almost melts Youngjae’s heart, and sighs. “I think I’m tired and that I am really done with my friends. Look,” he stands up, causing Youngjae to step back to give him room, “I’m just very tired and I’m sorry to you both.”

“Don’t you think you could be though?” The girl presses, standing up as well.

It’s at this point that Youngjae is grateful it’s a slow day at work and there aren’t many people around them, his face feels hot and he knows he probably looks ridiculous. When the man’s eyes turn to him, giving him a once over from the top down, Youngjae feels even more self-conscious.

The man’s eyes scan him once more, locking eyes with him and then he shakes his head and turns away and – for some reason – Youngjae feels his stomach drop and an icy chill run up his spine.

“No, I don’t think so,” he steps back, pushing his chair in as he grabs his credit card, “look you’re a nice girl but this date isn’t going anywhere. I’ll take my leave now.”

Both the girl and Youngjae are left stunned.

It takes a second, but Youngjae snaps back to reality and shakes off the chill he suddenly feels and flashes the girl a smile. “I’m sorry about that, I hope the rest of your day fares better.”

The rest of the day flies by in a rush and Youngjae doesn’t have time to dwell on the event with the strange man until he collapses onto the couch next to Jackson whose – once again – studying.

“I had an almost soulmate today.”

“Almost?”

Youngjae shifts, turning to lay his head on Jackson’s shoulder. “Yeah, his date seemed to think we were soulmates, it happened at work.”

Chuckling, Jackson reaches up to ruffle his hair without taking his eyes off his book. “Jae, ya gotta give me the full details.”

Sighing, Youngjae snuggles closer to his friend and then huffs. “It was at the end of their meal, I brought him his receipt and asked if he needed anything else. He said he needed his friends to stop setting him up. Then he apologized, the girl said we could be soulmates, he said he was just tired, and then he left and that was it.”

“Well,” Jackson draws the word out and hesitates, “it sounds like you could be.”

With a snort, Youngjae lifts his head and shakes his bangs from his face. “Unlikely.” He stands up, picking up his bag. “For one, he was super attractive and I don’t think the universe is that nice to me. Like, how do I describe him?” Tilting his head up, he thinks back to the man. Tall, dark, and handsome would be a base layer description, but it doesn’t feel strong enough to describe just how almost ethereal he was.

“Is he like Mark?” Jackson ventures. “You always talk about him as being . . ?”

“Fey-like …” pondering on it he decides that no he’s not quite like that so he shakes his head, “no. He wasn’t Fey hot, he was …” snapping his fingers he smiles, “biker hot. He had the look and aura that he’s the type of guy who curses, wears leather, and rides a Harley.”

With a whistle, Jackson finally looks to Youngjae with surprised eyes. “Damn, sounds like a real catch. You two would be so cute though!”

Laughing, Youngjae waves off his excited smile. “That brings up reason number two: he looked at me when she asked.”

Jackson tilts his head in confusion; waving his hand for Youngjae to explain what he means.

“When his date asked if he was sure we weren’t soulmates, he turned and really looked at me and then said no and turned away.” A sad smile worms its way onto his face. “Obviously, he didn’t care and couldn’t see us being soulmates.”

“Okay, so he’s a hot asshole. Not worth your time fretting over.”

“Jackson-”

Holding up a hand, Jackson grabs Youngjae’s arm and pulls him back to sit next to him, making sure he’s looking him dead in the eye as he speaks. “No, you are handsome and cute and strong and the sweetest guy ever.”

Each word brings a new shade of red to Youngjae’s face and slowly changes that sad smile to a genuine one.

“That ass would be lucky to be your soulmate. So, as far as I’m concerned he can go jump off a bridge.”

As Jackson reaches up to pet Youngjae’s head, he ducks his head to avoid eye contact as tears begin to prick at the corners of his eyes, but he does reach up to grab Jackson’s hand that rests on his shoulder. “Thank you.” He says quietly, still smiling gently

“Anything for my soft boy.” Jackson places a quick kiss on his forehead before patting his shoulder. “Now, um, you’re good at math, right? Cause, this homework is kicking my ass.”

A bark of laughter shoots from Youngjae as he blinks back the small tears from all the affection. He nods his head in response and together they tackle Jackson’s homework.

The incident slips his mind after that.

Once again, his life resumes to its hectic schedule.

While yes, Youngjae does find himself occasionally thinking of the man in his waking hours and he pops up once or twice in dreams, Youngjae doesn’t dwell on the event simply because he never has the time to dwell on it. One huge problem Youngjae has is telling people “no,” he loves to help and even if he doesn’t have time to do things, he will still do it to make his friends lives easier. That’s one of the many white lies worries he has when it comes to soulmate. Occasionally during the next few weeks, as he finds himself helping Jackson out more with his math homework instead of practicing his vocals that he needs to, he worries that if his soulmate was ever around and Jackson asked if it was okay with helping him he may not be able to say no and thus possibly ruining his and Jackson’s friendship.

Drastic. Youngjae is well aware, but it’s his constant anxiety that always brings up the worst-case scenario, so of course, he worries even though there haven’t really been any signs of his soulmate anywhere.

That is until one Friday after classes, when somehow Jackson managed to convince him to abandon his vocal practice to actually have lunch with the group. Even though Youngjae knows he’s already lost hours doing other things, he agrees and packs up his stuff and lets Jackson guide him out of the music building and back towards the open park on campus.

The day is bright and warm, a slight shock from the AC of the studio rooms and Youngjae contemplates taking off his hoodie but instead opts to just deal with the warmth.

Jackson gives a happy shout and stars waving excitedly as they walk down the stone path towards a cluster of benches. Squinting, Youngjae takes a second to spot their friends, Mark – Jackson’s soulmate – and Yugyeom, sitting at the closest bench with Mark waving back happily, Youngjae’s steps falter as his eyes slide to the man next to Mark.

“Oh no.” Youngjae breaths out, hand subconsciously grabbing and yanking on Jackson’s arm as he squeaks. “Holy crap that’s him!”

Stumbling from the sudden grab, Jackson stops and looks down at Youngjae. “Who?”

Youngjae points frantically – thankful the guys had turned back to their conversation and weren’t looking. “The guy with Mark, that’s the guy from the restaurant!”

“Jaebum?” Jackson asks, voice louder than Youngjae likes, so he yanks his arm again in slight fear the others may hear.

“Sush!” He nods his head though as he begins to sink into Jackson’s side. “Yeah, you … know him?”

“He’s a huge up and coming producer. Used to study here and is best friends with top student Jinyoung.” Jackson explains carefully, eyes flicking between Jaebum and Youngjae.

“Who is Mark’s best friend and roommate.” Sighing, Youngjae rubs his forehead and groans quietly.

“Man,” with a low whistle Jackson focuses on Youngjae completely, rubbing his back gently, “it really was Jaebum, you sure?”

“Positive,” is Youngjae’s grumbled response as he rubs his head harder, “stupidly positive cause like I said he was really attractive. Look, Jack, I can’t, I just, I should go, yeah I should go.”

Letting go, Youngjae takes a step to the side and turns to walk back to the safety of the music building, but Jackson grabs his arm and lets out a quiet chant of “no, no, no, no.”

“Come on,” turning Youngjae back around, Jackson throws a comforting arm over his shoulder, flashing a reassuring smile as he forces them to start walking again, “it’ll be fine if he does anything rude again I promise to deck him.”

“I may just ask you to deck him anyways.”

“I’ll still do it.”

Without being able to fight, both out of slight fear and the fact that Jackson is much stronger than him, he forces his feet to move at a comfortable pace until they reach the bench.

Mark and Yugyeom give a cheer upon seeing them, Yugyeom pulling Youngjae down to sit next to him as he slides him over a dish.

“My mom made us all food last time I visited her, she knows you love her cooking,” Yugyeom explains with a bright grin as he slides one to Jackson as well. “And she knows you just like food.”

“Yeah, I do!”

Without any a due, Jackson practically rips open the Tupperware and starts eating. Mark makes a look of disgust at just how animalistic Jackson is eating, shaking his head as both Youngjae and Yugyeom laugh. With more sophistication, Youngjae takes the chopsticks offered by Mark and starts eating his food.

“Oh right!” Mark grins brightly while leaning back and turning to Jaebum. “Jaebum meet Jackson my soulmate and Youngjae his best friend and roommate.”

Jaebum, still as handsome as Youngjae remembers, flashes a heart-stopping grin to both him and Jackson, giving a small wave as he says, “hi, nice to meet you guys.”

Both Youngjae and Jackson give automatic responses – Jackson still with food in his mouth that gets him smacked by Mark – and then Youngjae lifts another mouthful of food towards his mouth, but his hand freezes as his mind comes to a screeching halt.

Jaebum didn’t recognize him, he makes no acknowledgment of remembering him. Mark engages him in some conversation, while Youngjae looks at him with shocked eyes, but he doesn’t even seem to notice that. Something inside Youngjae hurts, it feels similar to how he felt the last time they met, but he’s not sure why it feels stronger than just being hurt. He is hurt though, very hurt. Just as Jackson looks up to see why he isn’t moving he closes his eyes, sets his expression and puts the food in his mouth as a distraction.

The conversations move between them freely from them on, Youngjae stays silent and gives nods, opting not to actually talk – which isn’t totally natural of him, but Jaebum keeps Jackson’s attention and Yugyeom is busy excitedly talking about his dance classes and BamBam’s latest antics – he’s possible soulmate, it’s still up in the air. It continues like this until Yugyeom has to rush off to dance class and Jaebum has to leave for some reason, one which Youngjae had tuned out of and missed as he scrolled his phone.

Not caring about Mark, Jackson turns on Youngjae as soon as Jaebum is far out of earshot.

“Dude!” Jackson snatches Youngjae’s phone from his hands, forcing him to look up into his glaring eyes. “You can’t just not talk around him. He might not even be your soulmate so you can’t just be silent every time he shows up.”

“Why risk it?” Youngjae snaps, leveling a glare at Jackson, face red. “He obviously didn’t think much of me if he looked me over and said no to my face, so why let the idea even be entertained.”

“I’m sorry but, guys, what the heck?” Mark raises his voice, clearly confused.

Youngjae turns sheepish, face red as Jackson turns to Mark and quickly gives him a rundown of the events regarding Jaebum.

After Jackson finishes, Mark nods his head in understanding. He takes a second to think before saying, “I mean, he just might be.”

“See, even Mark thinks so.”

“Guys,” Youngjae sighs, rubbing his head and shaking it, “I appreciate that, but I can’t help but to feel that if it was him, he wouldn’t even like me. I mean,” at this he takes in a sharp breath, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes as his voice shakes slightly, “he didn’t even recognize me so he obviously he didn’t think much or care to really look at me the first time. Tired and frustrated or not, that really fucking hurt okay?”

Both Mark and Jackson are shocked by Youngjae’s emotional response.

“I’m sorry.” Youngjae quickly replied, fanning his eyes with his hands and tilting his head back to make the tears go away.

Moving quickly, Mark and Jackson sit on either side of him and wrap their arms around him apologizing in quiet voices.

“It’s okay guys.” Youngjae chokes out, head still tilted back. “I’m fine; it’s fine.”

Neither of them responds, they simply hug him tighter, Jackson rubbing his back as he kisses his head and Mark gently petting his head. It takes Youngjae a minute to cool off his sudden emotions. Usually, he plays it all off much better than that and he doesn’t often cry in public, but he attributes it to lack of sleep and the genuine hurt from Jaebum.

Once Mark and Jackson are both assured that Youngjae is, in fact, okay and not going to break down on them, they walk him back to the music building together before heading.

Youngjae is thankful that Jackson and Mark don’t bring up Jaebum, he doesn’t think he’s ready to handle that kind of rejection yet. So, he makes himself a plan as he sits down in the vocal room – avoid Jaebum at all costs. Mark and Jackson will understand and for the others, he can start subtly asking who all are going when they go out. If he makes sure he never runs into Jaebum, then he never has to deal with soulmates or rejection for quite a while.

The semester continues in such a fashion.

The plan goes smoothly and despite the heavy workload, Youngjae is happy to have things back to normal.

Classes continue. Work continues. Of course, the lack of sleep and stress follows, but at this point, Youngjae doesn’t bat an eye to sleepless nights and extra work; it’s his routine and his life.

After one particularly sleepless night, Youngjae finds himself in a tough – and surprising – situation.

“You want me to record the track.”

“Yes! Mark always praises your singing voice so I’d love to have you sing this song. I’m just too busy and I won’t have time.” The words sound weird to Youngjae, simply because they’re coming from the most talked about singer in the studios, Jinyoung.

Jinyoung is just as handsome as Mark, with a mixture of Mark and Jaebum’s looks and Youngjae can’t help but feel very intimidated in his black hoodie and messy hair, but Jinyoung is actually asking for his help – and that to him just feels weird. Flattering, but strange none-the-less.

“Will you help me?” At this request, Jinyoung looks pensive, almost nervous that Youngjae may turn him down.

And oh, oh how Youngjae wants to turn him down. The bags under his eyes feel so heavy, but not nearly as heavy as the looming thought of his research paper he still has to finish and the low mental episode that he’s been desperately fighting to push back. It’s a lot he’s struggling with and a lot more work he’d have to do to practice this song on top of his own original vocal lessons. His brain screams in agony at the extra weight, but he smiles shyly as he nods his head.

“It’s an honor for you to let me sing one of your songs, thank you, I’ll gladly help you.”

With a cheer, Jinyoung hugs him once before declaring that he’ll have Mark get him all the information tonight and that he’ll have time before the recording session. Jinyoung keeps thanking him with a bright smile, one that Youngjae returns even though he feels like crying.

Despite the emotional turmoil, he does find time to put in extra vocal lessons. He skips lunch a few times a week, stays at the music building later on other nights. The demo track he’s given is quite well done and he’s surprised Jinyoung just didn’t use this singer as the lead vocals, it would’ve been a fantastic option as the light, high vocals are quite beautiful. If he wasn’t so stressed, drained, and out of it on most days, he might have even wondered who the singer actually was, but he runs on mostly auto piolet up until the day he has to record the song.

He took the time to make sure he was – moderately – rested and hydrated before heading to the studio at the designated time. The faster he records the song, the sooner it’s finished, the faster he can get back to his work and finally rest.

What he doesn’t expect is to be greeted by the one man he’s been avoiding: Jaebum.

“Oh.” Youngjae’s eyes widen as Jaebum turns from his chair to smile at him. “Hi, Jaebum.”

Jaebum smiles at him, motioning for him to take a seat. “Hey, Youngjae, nice to finally see you again. The boys talk about you a lot, but you never seem to be around.”

Moving to sit, Youngjae smiles gently. “Yeah, I’ve been really busy this semester.” It’s not a lie, he thinks to himself as he sets his bag down.

“I’ve heard, well I’m glad you could help.” Flashing Youngjae a heart-stopping smile, Jaebum claps his hands together. “You have your lyric sheets?”

“Yes,” Opening his bag, he pulls them out and waves them, “and I’ve listened to the demo sent to me. I think I’ve got a good idea of what I’m doing.”

“Okay, go in the booth and warm up.”

The next few hours are spent recording, practicing, recording, correcting, and more recording. Youngjae is familiar with the process and Jaebum is by far the kindest director he’s had. He gives him breaks, sings the song for him to hear how he needs it sung – and Youngjae quietly screams over the fact that Jaebum is the singer form the demo, he keeps that shock and awe to himself and tries not to fall more for him than he already kind of has. Soon enough, the vocals are done and Jaebum gives him a bright grin, a thumbs up, and a cheer of praise.

“Well done!”

Youngjae smiles as well, taking off the headphones and exiting the booth. “Ah, finally, these sessions always take so long.”

“I know.” Jaebum groans, still smiling. “Sorry, the guys roped you into this though.”

Youngjae begins to say that it’s fine, but as he opens his mouth he feels his throat get tight. He coughs a few times, taking a sip of water and tries again – the same result.

“You alright?” Jaebum raises a hand out to him, face looking concerned. “You didn’t strain your vocals, did you?”

That he can answer. “No, no my vocals are fine and I honestly don’t mind helping my friends. I like to help them.” Youngjae smiles as he cleverly sidesteps the lie with a truth. “I’m happy I got the opportunity to sing on of Jinyoung’s songs.”

Behind his smile, he’s screaming and he feels the begins of a panic attack starting in his chest, head feeling light as he clutches the water tightly. All he can do is pray silently that this is not actually happening.

“You have a great voice,” Jaebum praises, a soft smile on his lips as he drops his arm, “you should sing demos at least for a living. It’d be good pay.”

“Well thank you, but” he coughs again, cursing violently in his head as he tries to say that Jaebum is the first to say that. He’s not, Jackson has, Mark has, hell random students have, so no that lie won’t come out. Coughing once more, he waves off Jaebum’s concern and smiles, “I will keep that in mind and think about it.”

There’s a short silence, which only increases the tightness of his throat as the panic blooming inside.

“I should get back and get some rest. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Yeah, we’ll talk later. Go rest.”

Jaebum waves him off with a grin before turning back to his computer. Once he’s turned away, Youngjae bolts out of the room. The panic increases tenfold once he’s alone. The hallways feel smaller, colder like they’re closing in on him and mocking him for just who his soulmate. A man who didn’t recognize him and thinks not much of him at all. In his blind panic, he somehow makes it to his place, his eyes are burning from holding back tears and he’s shaking so bad it takes him three tries to get the key in the door. Once open, he stumbles inside, slamming the door and falling into it as he gasps for air then sinks to the floor, sobs beginning to break free from the damn he’s usually built so strong. This one is cracking under the pressure and realization.

Upon hearing the commotion, Jackson launches from his spot in the living room and rushes into the hallway to find Youngjae, crying his heart out and shaking violently on the floor.

“Youngjae!” Jackson rushes over, dropping to his knees next to him and grabbing him to try and hold him steady. “Oh my god, what’s wrong? What happened? Are you hurt? Are you okay?”

It takes Youngjae a minute to get his messy sobbing under control, reaching up and clinging to Jackson’s arms desperately as he curls himself into a ball against the broader man. He shakes again as he takes three quick breaths and then gasps out, “Jaebum’s my soulmate.” Now that it’s out in the air, the sobbing hits full force as he buries his head into Jackson’s chest. “I couldn’t lie to him, he’s my soulmate and he doesn’t even realize it and I don’t think he wants to.” He cries harder, Jackson quickly wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into his lap as he sits back, gently rubbing his back. “He didn’t even recognize me and he’s my soulmate.”

Jackson watches the pain course through Youngjae in the form of full body shudders. He quietly hushes him, slowly rocking him as he rubs his back. He whispers a mantra of “it’s okay” over and over, even though he himself isn’t sure that it’s actually okay. He doesn’t really know what to do and he’s never seen Youngjae show as much emotion as he is now.

After a long while, Youngjae’s sobs finally stop, but only because his eyes can’t seem to produce any more tears and his chest hurts from the constant shaking. He feels cold all over and he still shivers every now and them. Not only does he feel cold, but he feels empty, hollow.

Is this what it feels like when your soulmate rejects you?

“Hey,” Jackson whispers against his head, “do you think you can get up? You need to drink water and lie down and sleep.”

“But,” Youngjae’s voice is dry, cracked, and still shaky, “but what am I gonna do?”

Humming Jackson absentmindedly holds Youngjae tighter as he thinks. “I’ll call Mark, have him give us advice. He knows better than us about smart decisions, so we’ll ask him for advice.”

“Tomorrow?”

“No, now would be better, but first I need to get you to drink water.”

Youngjae nods after a minute. “Okay.”

Slowly he peels himself off of Jackson and moves off his lap onto his knees. All his movements are slow and his whole body hurts when he shifts his weight, Jackson moves quickly though and stands up to help him rise to his feet. They move to their shabby dining table and Jackson makes Youngjae sit before running to grab a water bottle and his phone. As he gives Youngjae the water bottle – telling him to drink – he speed-dials Mark and flips him over to speakerphone.

Mark answers immediately. “What’s up, Jack?”

“Um, Youngjae has a bit of an um …” Jackson bits his lip as he looks to Youngjae.

With a sigh, Youngjae states the facts. “I just found out Jaebum is my soulmate and I don’t know what to do.”

The line goes silent, not even a rustle of movement. Then Mark coughs, voice sounding higher in pitch as he says, “What the heck, seriously? Jaebum?”

“Yeah,” Youngjae says, almost too quiet for Mark to hear but he catches it.

“Did you tell him?”

A loud bark of distressed laughter shoots from Youngjae as tears begin again, turns out his body does still have tears left to cry. “Mark, he didn’t even recognize me or remember me. Why would I tell him?”

“He’s your soulmate.”

“He practically rejected me.”

Mark groans, “look, you have got to tell him. He has to know.”

“And what if he doesn’t believe me?” Youngjae cries out, starting to shake again.

Reaching out to him, Jackson grips his shoulder tightly. “I’ll knock him out.”

Both Mark and Youngjae laugh at that, the statement effectively breaking the tension.

“No, Jack, you will not punch Jaebum.” Mark reprimands, a smile present in his voice. “But, if he doesn’t believe you we will be here for you, but I have faith that he’ll know and he’ll agree. I know it’s hard because he seems to be a really honest person.”

Jackson hums in agreement before making an exclamation. “Wait! I got it! Mark, why don’t we go with him to tell Jaebum. You can tell him Youngjae has something important to talk about, he’ll meet Youngjae and whatever happens, happens and we can be there.”

Mark agrees as Youngjae nods, wiping away his tears.

“It sounds like a plan. We don’t have classes, tomorrow right?”

“No, it’s a free day for us, so it’ll work.”

Mark hangs up shortly after telling them that he’ll text them the time and location. Once the phone call is over, Jackson makes Youngjae finish the water and take another one before ushering him to his room. He makes sure Youngjae is completely tucked in with extra blankets for warmth and then kisses his head.

“I’m sure everything will be fine.”

It doesn’t take long for sheer exhaustion to set in and all too soon Youngjae is woken by the rays of sunrise pouring into his room.

Knowing what the day holds, Youngjae takes his time getting ready. Making himself look presentable and not like he’d been crying his heart out the night before. Jackson makes him eat a decent breakfast for the first time in a long time and gives him a rather weird pep talk about soulmates and how sometimes soulmates aren’t actually everything. It hurts a little, but Youngjae understands where he’s coming from and he appreciates it, more than he’ll ever say.

All too soon, Mark texts them to head out to the courtyard.

All too soon, Youngjae is throwing on his hoodie and silently willing away the panic attack threating to break him again. The stairs seem to be short than usual and the walk to through the lobby almost a third of the time it usually takes. As he breathes in the fresh morning air, Youngjae feels the panic pause for a second and time stop, if only for a heartbeat.

“I’m going to go sit by Mark, but there’s Jaebum.” Youngjae follows Jackson’s pointing arm to where Jaebum stands by one of the water fountains, looking as handsome as ever. “Just come to us when it’s done. Oaky?”

“Okay.”

Jackson pats him twice on the back before walking away, leaving him alone as time begins again and the panic begins to take its claim on him.

With shaky steps, he makes his way over to Jaebum.

When he’s a few feet away he clears his throat and calls his name, before he can lose courage.

Jaebum turns to him and smiles. “Hey, Mark said you wanted to talk to me, what do you need?”

Youngjae’s hands begin to shake, so he stuffs them in the pocket of his hoodie to hide his nervousness. Smiling he slowly nods his head as he stops in front on Jaebum. “Yeah um, I think I realized something last night.”

Jaebum tilts his head, curiosity seeping into his eyes.

“I think, um, this may sound crazy,” Youngjae chuckles, looking down as he digs his toe into the concrete, “but I think we’re soulmates. Do – do you think we’re soulmates?”

The air is thick, Youngjae feels like a hand is holding his throat closed in fear as he looks through his messy bangs up to Jaebum’s face, and he really, truly wishes he hadn’t.

“Oh, Youngjae.” Jaebum sighs, a sad smile etched on his face. “Look, you’re a good kid, but I think maybe you’re mistaken about that. I don’t think we’re soulmates.”

That hollow feeling from the night prior returns immediately, with a vengeance.

“I’m sure your soulmate is out there, but I don’t think it’s me.”

Youngjae nods his head, ignoring the pain of his heart curling in on itself in shame. “Ah, well, then my, my bad, I must’ve been mistaken.” It hurts, he notes, but he says it with his strongest voice even though he feels like something is burning in his throat.

“I’m sorry.” Jaebum continues to give him that pitying smile and Youngjae just feels his whole worlds crumbling, because he knows Jaebum is wrong, but who is he to make someone believe their soulmates? “Look, I have an important meeting to get to, so I’m sorry but I have to go.”

“Ah!” Youngjae smiles through the pain as the fire grows. “It’s fine, don’t worry.”

“I’ll see you around?” Jaebum sounds hopeful, but Youngjae just shakes his head gently.

“Maybe, but don’t count on it. I am really busy so I don’t think I’ll have time for much.”

Jaebum’s smile actually falters, and he seems like he wants to ask what he means, but then his phone starts going off. As he looks torn he simply says “okay” and then waves before running off.

Once Jaebum is on his phone and out of earshot, Youngjae gasps harshly, slouching and dropping onto the stone of the water fountain. His throat burns as if he’d swallowed a match so he reaches into the water and pulls out a hand full to sip. He knows it’s unsanitary, but his throat is screaming. Gasping in pain he closes his eyes tightly and fights back tears.

Suddenly a pair of arms is wrapping is wrapping around his shoulders and pulling him into a slim chest. As he blinks back his tears, Youngjae seems Jackson sitting next to him, meaning Mark is the one holding him tightly.

“Jesus Youngjae,” Mark breaths, “that had to have hurt like hell.”

“Yeah.” Youngjae gives a dry chuckle, coughing and rubbing his throat gently. “It almost felt like someone was trying to hang me.”

Mark and Jackson wince and flinch at the description. Jackson offers him a water bottle as Mark squeezes him tighter.

After a quiet second Jackson asks, “Can I please deck him now?”

With a dry laugh, Youngjae shakes his head. “No, he’s my soulmate I don’t want to hurt him.”

"He rejected you and you still don’t want to hurt him.” Mark let’s out a wet laugh as tears begin to form in his eyes. “Goddamnit Youngjae, you need to be selfish at some point in your life.”

Laughing with him, Youngjae nods. “I know, but not today. Let’s let Jaebum be, don’t … just don’t tell him. I’ll be fine.”

In truth, Youngjae isn’t sure he will be, but he knows he’ll try to be.

In the end, they end up back and Jackson and Youngjae’s place, eating take out and playing video games all day instead of studying. Things seem to ease up a bit from then on, well, for the most part. Jackson gets an actual tutor and tries to ask Youngjae for helpless; mark spends more time at their places instead of his, keeping Youngjae company when Jackson is busy; Youngjae finds himself hanging out at the dance studio with Yugyeom more often when he studies; he doesn’t hang out with the whole group often, but when he does he’s careful of what he says and if Jaebum is ever around he’s usually quieter. Life doesn’t change as drastically as he had expected it to.

There is this dull ache in his chest though, not always constant but in the quiet moments when he doesn’t have a distraction he notes a distinct heaviness to his chest and the phantom feeling of something being wrong. He keeps this to himself. It’s a soulmate thing that he’s sure none of his friends could help him with, so it’s better to suffer alone.

It gets worse, progressively, slowly, but it does worsen.

By the time the end of the year rolls around and Youngjae finds himself swamped with finals the pain is more constant, but between him helping others, him practicing vocals, him working in the studio, him finishing homework, studying for tests, writing papers, he has absolutely no time to notice that or the slow deterioration of his own mental health. Jackson and Mark are just as busy, so they don’t notice as it’s always this time of year the three rarely have time. It ends with a huge night out celebration at the end, but that final month of crunch time is usually spent alone. Most nights Youngjae spends in the studio either practicing or helping Jinyoung around the studio, he had made a friend out of the ordeal and Jinyoung has had him help with a lot of his music.

Hell week, as they call it, is upon them soon enough and it’s halfway through the week that Youngjae finally cracks.

After finishing with Jinyoung around ten he stayed to try and finish his song for his final, he needed the lyrics to be perfect and the music to fit, but nothing was working and everything seemed to be out of place. He’s exhausted, he knows, but he also knows that this song is due far too soon for his liking. In the end, he ends up slamming his laptop shut with a scream of frustration. With a violent movement, he picks it up and shoves it in his satchel before throwing the strap over his shoulder and storming out of the building with his arms crossed.  

Youngjae takes the back way, the side of the building nobody goes to and his usual spot to calm down, but this time he’s just too far gone.

As his mind races with melodies and lyrics, he suddenly feels something wet on his arms. Blinking quickly, he reaches up to rub his eyes. Tears. With a pathetic laugh, he throws his head back and blinks quickly.

“Oh, come on, right now is not the time for a breakdown.“ He chokes out, shaking slightly as his arms wrap around himself again, tighter. “I need to get home and finish this stupid song, college doesn’t wait for break downs”

The acknowledgment of the breakdown seems to spur it on, a nauseous feeling swirling in his stomach and soon enough Youngjae breaks into sobs, quiet but intense. Shaking like a leaf, he shuffles over to the wall of the music building and sinks down, pulling his knees up to rest his head on. He tries desperately to get his breathing under control as the tears keep coming.

“Oh my god, Youngjae!” The voice sounds close but distant, and the acknowledgment of someone seeing him only makes him shake harder as he tenses up and tries to stop crying. “Youngjae, are you alright? What’s wrong?”

Looking up, Youngjae finds himself face to face with Jaebum, who crouches down in front of him, hands hovering in the air unsure what to do. His face is contorted in worry and concern, looking at Youngjae with pain in his eyes only makes him want to cry harder but he tenses his body, clenches his jaw and furiously wipes away his tears.

“Nothing.” It hurts, it hurts so much, but he says it through gritted teeth. The scariest part for him is seeing Jaebum’s eyes note that it hurts, he can tell something is horribly wrong. Stubborn as ever, Youngjae continues to lie through his burning throat. “I’m fi-I’m fi-I,” he grits his teeth as he shakes harder and opens his mouth for a second before crying out, “Goddamnit! Why does it hurt!? I just want to lie, I just want to lie so no one worries about me and so you can just leave me alone and stop looking so concerned. All I want to do is lie!”

At that, Youngjae dissolves into heavy sobs and shuffles himself closer to the brick wall, hiding his face in his arms as he shies away from Jaebum.

Realization dawns on Jaebum quickly, shocking him so much with the realization he actually loses his balance and stumbles a little back to his feet to catch himself as he starts with wide eyes down at Youngjae’s still shaking from. The pure shock of realizing that Youngjae is soulmate roots him to his place. The only sound between them is Youngjae’s muffled crying and the soft rustle of the leaves in the summer breeze. It takes Jaebum a few minutes to snap out of his shocked phase and move forward to Youngjae. Once Youngjae feels Jaebum’s hands on him he begins to protest, but Jaebum gently wraps his arms around him and pulls him up to his feet. Youngjae gives weak protests, but his still shaking and Jaebum’s grip is the only thing keeping him together at that moment.

The small contact with his soulmate actually makes Youngjae cling to him unconsciously as he still tries to say he’s fine, hurting himself more.

“Hey, hey,” Jaebum says softly, holding Youngjae tightly, “it’s okay just shush, it’s okay. Alright, um, I have cats at my apartment and I believe I remember Mark mentioning you’re allergic and don’t currently take medication, so I want to take you to your place. I think I know the building I just need your keycard and room number.”

Youngjae nods, despite his previous protests, and reaches shakily into his satchel for his keycard and mutters out his building name and room number. Jaebum gently takes the card from Youngjae and them pockets it before securely holding Youngjae, one arm wrapped around him and the other held his arm over Jaebum’s shoulder so he can lean his weight on him.

The walk to Youngjae’s place takes longer than it normally would, but Jaebum takes it slow and tries not to move too fast. He even keeps his own breathing even in the hopes it helps Youngjae calm down from his attack a little faster. At their slow pace, it takes them time, but they reach the building soon enough and Jaebum lets them in and they take the elevator up to Youngjae’s room.

Once inside, Jaebum turns on the lights and makes Youngjae sit on the couch before going to lock the door and then into the kitchen to get him water to drink for his throat.

Youngjae gladly takes the water, not uttering a word yet as he down the whole glass of water. Jaebum carefully sits next to him on the other side of the couch, looking at his hands as he lets his mind process the events that unfolded.

It takes them both a while to gather their thoughts. Both get lost in their own minds, one simply taking in the events while the other is mentally screaming. The silence stretches on to the point of almost awkwardness before it’s finally broken.

“I’m sorry.” Jaebum starts, still looking at his hands, voice sounding surprisingly small and soft. “I’m really sorry, I honestly did not think we were soulmates.”

“It’s okay,” Youngjae sighs, staring down at the glass as he spins it around in his hand, “most people don’t think I’m soulmate material.’

“No,” Jaebum’s eyes widen and he sharply turns to look at him, “Youngjae, you’re amazing. I mean it when I say you’re a good kid.”

Scoffing, he places the glass down on his coffee table. “Kid and soulmate are different.”

“I will say I’m surprised, not disappointed.” Jaebum’s voice is now firm. “But I’m still very sorry.”

“Well, you know now.” Youngjae sighs again, letting himself sink back into the couch, still refusing to look at him. “Do you wanna reject me now and get it over with? Or would you rather just leave without that part?”

“What?! No!” Jaebum is appalled, eyes shocked and stinging a little as he feels tears forming. Reaching out, he grabs Youngjae’s hands in his gently as he states, “you are my soulmate. Granted, I didn’t know until now, but I’ll admit you’re really cute, kinda hot when you really get into the music and go on your little passion talks I overhear sometimes when you’re with Jinyoung. You’re so perfect, I can already tell.”

“But …” Youngjae lifts his head, eyes squinted a little as he thinks, eyes slightly unfocused, “when we first met, you looked at me and said no.”

“Well,” Jaebum becomes shy again, voice going soft, “in my extremely poor defense, I had just finished a 48-hour study day and you just looked so innocent, like to innocent to be paired with someone as hardheaded as me. I was mostly just tired, which I am well aware is a shit excuse. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not.” Youngjae actually pouts, finally looking at Jaebum.

The cute pout on his lips melts Jaebum completely, and a stupid smile spreads across his lips as the atmosphere lightens, like a dark shroud being lifted off the two of them.

“Innocent I mean,” Youngjae clarifies, “I’m not. I hate when people call me that, I mean, I turn it up for work of course – better tips – but I’m not innocent.”

Still smiling, Jaebum squeezes Youngjae’s hands. “I’ll keep that noted.”

It’s quite for a minute after that and Jaebum realizes that his is still holding Youngjae’s hands, so he quickly let’s go, not wanting to push him too far. Youngjae watches him with a calculated gaze, making him feel like he’s being judged like he had Youngjae. Which he is, Youngjae takes this quiet moment to really look at Jaebum and take in everything about him, his handsome figure, his quiet demeanor, his slight concern for Youngjae. It’s making him fond of him.

“Jaebum, do you think …” Youngjae pauses, biting his lip and looking down finally, “do you think you can fall in love with me? I think that’s my one fear; that you won’t be able to.”

“Only time will tell,” is Jaebum’s first honest answer and Youngjae deflates a little, so Jaebum reaches out to place a cautious hand on his shoulder as he continues, “but I can. I know I can because I already have been. I’ve never had anyone stay in my brain like you have – and before you mention our second meeting, I was sure you had a bad story of me so I thought it better to start fresh. That obviously didn’t go as planned.”

“Obviously.” Youngjae scoffs glancing sideways as Jaebum pulls his hand back.

“And, if I’m being honest,” Jaebum takes a deep breath and places his hands in his own lap, looking directly at Youngjae, “I always listen intently when the guys talk about you and I’ve been worried about you for a while now. Especially with how little I saw of you. I assumed you were avoiding me, but I still worried”

That strikes a chord with Youngjae, making him perk his head up. “Worry about me … but why?”

“Well … because you aren’t ever happy, like true happy.”

Floored, Youngjae turns his whole body to face Jaebum and stare at him in utter shock and panic. “You-you notice?”

“How could I not notice?” Jaebum stares at him once again with concern and worry. “I know the signs of someone who gives everything and takes nothing, I used to be like that when I was much younger so I know the signs to be on the lookout for. I also know what a severe anxiety panic attack looks like, which I’m glad to see you’ve come back from that rather fast, that’s a good sign.”

Youngjae doesn’t have a response, he just stares at Jaebum in ae, making the other bashful.

“Which is why,” Jaebum continues, “I think I know why you’re my soulmate.”

Tilting his head, Youngjae slowly says, “there isn’t usually any real reason behind soulmates.”

“Sometimes there is. My parents saved each other from very bad places, if they hadn’t had each other at the right time, they may not be here.”

“So then, I’ll hesitantly ask, what do you think is the reason?”

Jaebum takes a second to formulate his words, wanting to not scare him in any way. “You need someone who knows what you’re going through, who’s been there and healed already. Someone to be there for you no matter who comes along and be your guiding light, someone who loves you and is willing to help you with everything until you find yourself.”

Now Youngjae is bashful, looking at his hands again. “You want to help me?”

With a smile, Jaebum leans forward, strongly grabbing and holding Youngjae’s hands in his own. “Yes, soulmate or not. I’ve been waiting to talk to you, giving you space, but I’ve tried to reach out. Mark and Jackson seem to be your number one protection squad, and it’s harder to fight couples like them. They really tipped me off that you’ve been avoiding me specifically.”

“I’m sorry,” Youngjae takes a deep breath and stares at their hands together, feeling butterflies take off in his stomach and a slow calm seep into his system, “I just, really didn’t want you to know or be burdened with a soulmate like me.”

“You are not a burden, Youngjae,“ Jaebum says with a strong conviction, squeezing his hands. “I know now, you are my soulmate. No more hiding from me. Promise?”

Youngjae doesn’t respond at first, just staring at their hands. It takes him a second, but finally, he takes a deep breath and nods. Looking up at Jaebum he nods again. “I promise. No more hiding.”

“Good, now,” Jaebum stands up, pulling Youngjae with him, “I want to put you to bed. Finals week isn’t over yet and that anxiety attack had to have taken most of your strength. We can talk more once finals are over and you can get started again tomorrow after a good night’s sleep.”

“Can we, um,” Youngjae can’t stop staring at their hands as he tries to not blush over Jaebum’s care, “exchange numbers? That way I can get in contact with you after finals.”

With a smile, Jaebum nods. “I was gonna slip it into your phone once you were asleep, but this works too.”

“So sneaky.” Youngjae chuckles, feeling lighter.

After they exchange numbers and social media contacts, Jaebum instructs him to sleep. Telling him that if he finds out once he left he worked, he’d lock him in his room for a day to make him sleep. That sent a new set of butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Once the promise was made, Jaebum went home, hesitantly, but he did need to sleep too.

For the first time in his life, Youngjae was excited to have free time and the smile wouldn’t wipe itself off his lips. Especially not when he got a text from Jaebum simply reading ‘please rest, you need it’ just as he laid down in bed. He’d fill Mark and Jackson in on everything in the morning, but for the first time he actually listens to someone else and sleeps.

Maybe soulmates weren’t that bad after all.

Neither could wait to finally start the next chapter of their lives.

_~ ~ ~ ~ ~_


End file.
